


I’ve Always Wanted You

by maraudersaffair



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Christmas, Confessions, Grief/Mourning, Loneliness, M/M, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 22:47:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17395145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maraudersaffair/pseuds/maraudersaffair
Summary: Remus spends Christmas Eve alone at Grimmauld Place. Severus visits him.





	I’ve Always Wanted You

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Mini_Fest at LJ. Thanks for reading!

Grimmauld Place had always been a lonely place. Sirius had hated it, and after his death, Remus was left to hate it without him by his side. 

Remus spent too much time there. He didn’t have anywhere else to go, and he refused to move in with Tonks or the Weasleys. It was better than renting out a room or living in a rundown guest house. It was better than freezing on the streets.

When he wasn’t in Order meetings or chasing down indignant werewolves, he roamed the dusty rooms, thumbing through stained photographs and yellowing parchment. Creatures lived within the walls, but he found their scurrying comforting. He wasn’t the only animal in Grimmauld Place.

He lay in Sirius’ bed, feeling for his warmth. There had never been anything romantic between them, but Remus still missed him. Long ago, when they’d been children, Remus had wanted Sirius, but it was never meant to be. Sirius didn’t desire anyone. He found sex and romance puzzling, and he really only deeply cared for James. Remus still couldn’t believe his friends were gone. 

On Christmas Eve, Remus found himself back in Sirius’ bed, his hand wrapped around his warm wand. Holidays were always the hardest, their loneliness gnawing on him from the inside. He stared up at the ceiling. Tonks had asked him to her flat, but he turned her down. He didn’t want to be with her. He wanted to be with Severus Snape.

His feelings for Severus weren’t surprising. Not to him, at least. There had always been something about the Slytherin that caught his eye. Remus remembered sitting in class and watching him. Severus was ridiculous and caustic. He was ugly and greasy and _fragile_. Remus had sat in class and imagined wrapping his hands around his pale neck and forcing him to his knees. _Beg_ , he’d whisper, and Severus would stare at him, challenging him. _Make me_ , he’d respond. 

Remus caught his breath. Thinking about Severus made his chest tighten and his cock twitch. But it was pointless to think of him. Severus was probably like Sirius, and it was almost impossible to imagine the real him as a sexual being. 

The front door opened and footsteps thudded on the stairs. Remus shot out of bed, embarrassed to be found in such a position. He went to the door, his wand raised. He could never be too careful.

“It’s just me,” Severus said.

Remus lowered his wand. “What are you doing here?”

They stood in darkness, close, and Remus felt the heat of him. 

“Albus asked me to check on you. Word is that you declined invitations to the Weasleys and Nymphadora’s.”

“She prefers Tonks.”

Severus smirked. “Why aren’t you with her? Is she not pretty enough for you?”

“Report back to Albus that I’m fine. There’s no need for you to stay.”

“But tomorrow’s Christmas.”

“Yes, and I’m sure you have plans.”

Severus was silent for a moment. “Why are you in Black’s old room?”

“None of your business. Let’s go down to the kitchen.” Remus tried to move past him, but Severus grabbed his wrist.

“Tell me: Were you in love with him?”

“No,” Remus answered, bewildered. “Let go of me.”

Severus dropped his hand. “I thought you were.”

“He made me happy, but it was never romantic.”

“I see.”

Remus shouldered past and went down the stairs without pausing. Severus followed him like a shadow.

The kitchen was freezing. Remus lit a fire and told Kreacher through the wall to go to the attic. Kreacher called him a disgusting animal and Disapparated. 

“He’s such a charmer,” Remus said over his shoulder. “Do you want tea? Something stronger?”

“I’ve brought Guinness.” Severus touched a pocket in his robes.

“Oh,” he said, and laughed. “I never imagined you drinking Muggle beer.”

Severus shrugged. “It was the only thing in my house growing up.”

“Mind if I share it with you?”

“No,” Severus said quietly, and retrieved tiny bottles from his pocket. He enlarged them and tapped his wand against their sides. “It will taste like it was never bottled.”

“Have a seat.” Remus dropped into an old chair. He took a sip and let the thick beer linger in his mouth. “Yes, this is quite good. Thank you.”

Severus drank deeply. His throat was long and pale. “Had any luck with the werewolves?”

“Merlin, let’s not talk about them. Not tonight.”

Severus thought for a moment. “I’m sorry Black died.”

“You are determined to depress the hell out of me.”

“No.”

Remus raised his eyebrows. “Then you must be very bad at small talk.”

“I am.” Severus frowned at his bottle. His mouth was very cruel.

“You didn’t have to see me in person. Not tonight.”

“It was Albus’ wish.”

“Rubbish.”

Severus shrugged. “Believe what you will.”

“You still owe me an apology.”

“For what?” he spat.

“You know for what.”

Severus inhaled noisily. “You deserved it. The school was safer without you.”

“You wanted to punish me. You thought I was conspiring with Sirius.”

“Weren’t you?”

“No.”

Severus snorted. “I’ll never believe that.”

“Fine, don’t believe it, but don’t expect me to forgive you.”

“Why are you talking to me then?” Severus gazed at him evenly. 

Remus was dying to be honest. He wanted to say it to him. He wanted to unnerve him. He wanted to see him embarrassed. 

“Do you know I’m attracted to men?” Remus said quietly.

Severus shifted in his seat. “I had a feeling.”

“Do you think I’m attracted to you?”

He became very still. “I don’t know.”

This made Remus laugh. “I think you want me to be attracted to you. That’s why you’re here.”

“Sounds like wishful thinking to me.”

“What if it is?”

“What?”

“Aren’t you cold? Don’t you want me to warm you up?”

Severus gaped, then forced his expression to go blank. “You intend to humiliate me.”

“No. I would never do that.”

“You did it before.”

“I’m not fifteen anymore.” Remus stared into his dark eyes. “I want you, Severus.”

Then it happened, what he’d been dying to see for decades: Severus blushed deeply. 

“You are lying.”

Remus shook his head. “No.”

Severus closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, they were lidded. “Where do you sleep?”

“Come with me,” Remus said, and they left their bottles on the table.

He occupied a small guest room, first door on the second level. He shouldered through the door and lit a candle with his wand. He stood by the bed, and watched Severus, who hesitated in the doorway.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes,” Severus said, and approached him. He framed Remus’ face, which Remus didn’t like. They kissed, and Severus’ lips were cold.

Laughing softly, Remus pulled away. “Don’t hold me like that. I don’t like it.”

“You don’t want me to touch your face?”

“I don’t want to submit to you.”

“Oh,” Severus said, frowning again. “I’m not sure what that means.”

“Have you ever been with a man before?”

Severus stood taller. “Yes.”

Remus ignored the urge to ask who the man was. He grabbed Severus’ hips and hauled him closer. “I want to control things. I don’t like being penetrated.”

“Control?”

“Maybe _lead_ is a better word. Can I kiss you again?”

“Yes,” he whispered.

Remus wrapped his arms around him, bringing him even closer. He kissed Severus, forcing his head to tilt back a little. Severus moaned and parted his lips.

_Yes_ , Remus thought, and deepened the kiss. Their tongues brushed, and he felt it in his cock. They tasted one another, tongues stroking, and he liked that Severus had the flavor of Guinness. 

“Please,” Severus said, gasping. 

“Tell me,” Remus murmured, focused on undoing the buttons on his robes. 

“I want you. I’ve always wanted you.”

“You’re saying too much.” Remus mouthed over his neck, sucking and biting down.

Severus moaned and clutched at his shoulders. “Please,” he said again. 

“You know what I want,” Remus said, and dropped to his knees. Severus’ begging was making his head spin. It took some work, but he got Severus’ robes and trousers open. Remus tasted his trembling stomach and his groomed hair. “You planned this.”

“I wanted to be prepared,” Severus said, panting. He gazed down at Remus with wide eyes. 

“I knew you’d be big.” Remus weighed him in his palm. He took him into his mouth, adding suction. 

“Oh, fuck!” Severus’ thighs were already shaking.

Remus bobbed his head. He paused to lick up his shaft, tongue under his head, then he took him deep into his mouth. Severus cried out and thrust uncontrollably. Remus had to hold his hips so he wouldn’t be choked. 

“Fuck, fuck,” Severus said, and he sounded almost scared. “It’s too much.”

Remus leaned back, his lips swollen and wet. “Do you not like it?”

“Stupid, stupid question.”

“What’s wrong then?”

“ _Of course_ I like it.”

Grinning, Remus said, “Get on the bed.” Severus hurried to comply and Remus got undressed. 

On the bed, Remus lay on top of him, his hands roaming over his warm skin, his mouth tasting his nipples. 

“You have scars, too,” Remus murmured.

“Yes,” Severus said, “but I like yours more.”

“Why?”

Severus nipped his chin. “They are sexy.”

“Hmm,” Remus said, leaning on an elbow so he could watch his hand stroke him. “I think you’re sexy, too.”

“Fuck,” Severus said, thrusting into his hand. His cock was dripping.

“You’re close.”

“Shut up.” He gritted his teeth, his toes curling.

Remus squeezed his hand. “It’s like you’re a schoolboy.”

“I said _shut up_.”

“Do you want to come in my mouth?”

“God.”

“Or in my hand?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Severus said, thrusting desperately. 

“Tell me.” Remus licked his dripping head, and Severus lost all resistance.

“Mouth, fuck.”

Remus sucked him into his mouth, quickly, deeply. He bobbed his head, not pausing. Severus arched high and came with a loud cry. Remus choked on the flood of semen, but he did his best to swallow it all down. 

When Severus relaxed, Remus pinned his wrists to the bed and ground into his softening cock.

“Is this all right?”

Severus’ eyes fluttered. He was close to sleep. “Yeah . . . anything.”

Grunting, Remus thrust again and again. He came as he bit into Severus’ shoulder.

“ _Remus_ ,” Severus whispered. Remus looked at him, head still spinning from the pleasure, and discovered that he was asleep.

“Severus,” Remus whispered back, and curled around him. He fell asleep with their limbs intertwined.

They kept each other warm for the rest of the night.


End file.
